Daily Dilemma

This fall I've had the problem of no shoes to go with the right pants. Pants too long, shoes too tall, shoes that hurts, pants too short, pants wrong color, shoes wrong color... What is a girl to do? How does one go about remedying this situation? Do I start with new pants and then find the shoes? Do I find the shoes and then adjust the pants? The problem really began when I realized that the beginning of closed shoe season meant achy feet. Out of desperation I bought some flat black round toe 7W shoes and curse of all curses they feel good. I'm just not quite ready to be frumpy. Maybe I should read the definition of humility(again, Mom) and then pray for some.

No loyalty, No respect

Can you imagine a day when your long term cell phone/Internet provider charges you for a "reconditioned" card? Can you imagine a day when the cell phone service center has the charm of a bus station and offers no, yes I said NO trash cans. I understand the importance of shredding but not to have a receptacle to for your empty coffee cup? Now how about this: a convenience store with its paper towel dispensers on the food bar taped closed with cardboard as to say to customers, "No you can use the hand dryer just like everyone else or don't make a mess with the mustard!" What is the state f our world? This is beyond cheap, beyond disrespect. Feeling better after having a little vent!

Just Say OK

Where is my beautiful post? Where did it go? I always take the technological disappearance of a post as a sign of words not meant to be. Alrighty then, OK!

Commenting on My Own Post

Maybe I've changed my mind about the death of whatever. I have many strong feelings today and if I express them I'm sure to make people mad, sad,... so in the name of peace, "whatever!"

Death of Whatever

I am thinking about declaring the death of the "whatever" attitude. It signals indifference, defeat, surrender without battle. What good is that? I've decided to think more about my "observation" mode of life. I'm trying out my voice, again. Most of my life I have talked too much about nonsense, then I moved into the quiet observer mode and now I think the pendulum is starting to swing back. I hope this will be a modified swing, a swing with grace, purpose, and a focus on meaningful topics. I intend to ask for help, to offer help, and to tell my opinion on important issues when asked and just maybe when not asked. Hmmm, perhaps that is too bold.

Empty but Full of Crazies

I haven't posted a thing lately. October always turns out to be an awful, and awfully busy month. What is worse than the fact that I have reported nothing? My daughter has not posted either. She is busy too with nesting, working, and washing dishes, since she is her dishwasher. What is it about October that it is just too busy. Year after year it is the same thing. It is more than Halloween, Fire Safety, Bus Safety, Red Ribbon Month. It is just a feeling of unrest that blankets the entire month. Haunting? Maybe!

Unexpected Joy

Once again I committed my very small Sunday School class. Not 100 cupcakes, picture taking, dressing as a scarecrow, fixing spaghetti dinner, or baking a gazillion pies but instead manning the plant sale room at our Fall Festival. The plant sale used to be a regular but fell off the agenda at some point. Now I really know nothing about plants (not like cupcakes or pies) but was assured this was just a collecting and sales position. After sending out a few flyers requesting plants, pots, or donations I got 2 bites. Both bites came from 80 something gentlemen in the church, of which I had heard of, but didn't know. Bo has contacted me twice requesting more pots, first small then large pots. The second call came from Crosby who requested I come by to see his aloe vera. On the Monday holiday I headed out to get the large pots and drop them by Bo's. He was thrilled by his pots and led me around back to see his proud collection of plants for the sale. His backyard was filled with a colorful variety of plants and flowers, collections of patio furniture and cool shade. He beamed with pride as he told me about each of his plant species much like a proud parent. After leaving Bo I headed down the street to Crosby's. After nearly walking in his neighbor's house by accident I found his house and was lead through the house to another shady back yard. His yard held 2 out buildings, one of which was a greenhouse. As we made our way to the green house he explained he had a masters degree in horticulture and was currently an 81 year old substitute teacher at a prison. His green house was truly a working room complete with lots of tools, counter space, shelves, and a very rickety aluminum step stool. As I watched him hoist his tall slim body up that step stool I found myself wanting to lecture but reminded myself that I'm not every one's mom or teacher. For the remainder of my visit Crosby educated me in the world of plants, insects, aging, composting, and who can remember what else. It is always thrilling to be around passionate people. When we were finished repotting plants for the sale he announced that I couldn't leave until he played me a song on the organ. Opening the double doors to the other building sat a huge organ. Crosby sat and played a song first sounding like circus music and transitioning to Mozart. All played from memory. I wondered how often his neighbors got a concert and he said a few times a week. As I left, Crosby promised to play another song when I picked up the plants. He said if he was out just to come to the back and get the plants but I could never leave with my song. As I reflect on all the challenges and stresses of this difficult week I realize that for me a new door has opened with these special relationships.

The Effects

Just finishing the book, Playing With Grownups, reminds me that I think every family is directly or indirectly affected by mental illness. It made me think of Glass Castles, then my own family growing up, families in my neighborhood growing up, my husbands family, families of current friends and acquaintances, and I can see evidences of the effects. As a child I think there were no resources and so little knowledge that people were just considered crazy or odd with terms floating around like '"driving me to the nut house!" I can think of dozens of people I knew who must have been self medicating with alcohol but if they were labeled anything thing it was just drunk or alchy. It is nice that research is delving into mental illness. The brain is a crazy thing in itself. It is nice to think that some day perhaps this will all be understood scientifically and socially.

Fresh Start

Is there any other job where once a year you get a clean slate and a fresh start? The joy in teaching is just that. Out go the old kids, the old procedures, the old requirements, the old you. In comes the new kids, their idiosyncrasies, new bosses, new neighbors, new ideas, goals, dreams, intentions. A whole new chance. I'm cleaner, neater, more deliberate, decisive, organized interpersonal, slower, faster, quieter, quieter. It will be interesting to see which of the new me holds out and which of the old will creep back.

ps I miss the postings of my Becky!

Point to Ponder, or Research

Who said cleanliness in next to godliness? In what context was this written?

What is She Doing?

When I check and she hasn't posted a blog post I wonder what she has been doing? Reading some great work of literature? Weaving a nest of new ideas? Painting a masterpiece for her brother? Buried in spiritual retreat? Conjuring up some vegetarian delight? Oh yes, busy washing dishes! It is hard to imagine that at times she has to put these other pleasure on hold and tend to menial maintenance tasks. How awful it would be if there weren't a clean spoon with which to stir her french pressed coffee and cream. Thought of the day: Even those with the loftiest of interests must stoop to cleanliness and order. I miss your words.

Today's Thought

Without challenge one cannot not know the feeling of accomplishment. Without worry one cannot fully appreciate a time of peace. Without sadness one cannot fully experience happiness. Let us remember to be thankful for the balance of emotions that allows us to fully feel.

Daughter Delight

Well scratch the athletic shoes. Instead I spent Saturday shopping with my daughter. She challenges me to want more for myself. I ended up with 3 pair of shoes and 5 shirts. I love them all and had fun shopping for them. We enjoyed a Chipotle lunch and a quick trip to Ulta. I so appreciate the she is feminine, the perfume, shiny hair, heels... I'm glad that she knows and is comfortable with her being. My wish is for every person to love the skin they are in. In addition to looking beautiful she is also a great loser. She can laugh her way through any game loss. It is about the climb! Thank God for daughters like Becky.

Just the Right Shoe

As one ages it becomes a challenge to balance the style of a shoe with long standing comfort. I'm really a cheapy shoe shopper shopping only for a bargain that looks good but as my feet become more sensitive I have to be more selective. Maybe my tender feet are due more to the strains of physical activity than age. I put a lot of stress on them playing tennis, and occasionally falling, and running. Being a teacher on my feet alllll day just add to this problem. They feel hot, chapped and tired. Changing shoes middle of the day helps greatly but I really need something more comfortable to start with. I've tried a couple times to become the running shoe kind of teacher but I can't pull it off for 2 reasons. Reason 1: running shoe teachers must have stylish expensive running shoes. Reason 2: You have to feel confident in this decision. Hey, if I had those expensive shoes I bet I'd feel confident! Problem solved!

New Best Quote

She has travelled through France, Austria, and Germany and her most astounding observation? The French must be the best ironers in the world!

The Places You'd Go

After experiencing 2 weeks in Europe where she was personally shown about Austria and I mean personally my sister is trying to decide where and what she would show those who visited her? You must hope those visiting you might share some common interests, or at least have an interest in you. With that in mind, the task becomes easier. It is easier if you have places you feel passionately about: a sensational restaurant, a land form, a piece of art or architecture, your school, athletic facility, historic place. It is certainly food for thought. Remember it doesn't have to be a gondola ride up into the Alps, visiting the cello maker, or sharing snaps with the locals.

Waiting for the Connection

I've been waiting and waiting to see what common thread would finally link my daughter to her new co-worker. You know how you meet someone and you just don't quite click? Then over a number of days, weeks, months, or years you finally find that thread that connects you. Even if you are really really different or don't even really like or respect one another. Well I have been waiting to see what that thread would be for my daughter and her new co-worker. She wasn't wild about him, or his mix into the office dynamic but I was sure the link would come. Would it be a fashion item, a line from a movie, a song, a lyric to a song, a line from a poem, food or a recipe, a quote? Well now we will never know for he has resigned. What a disappointment! This is just like a book with a weak ending.

The Probable Cause

Yesterday by the time I finished tennis, running, and working out I felt a slight headache coming on. As you know for many years say from 9-39, I suffered from headaches. These were barf inducing, light barring, ear ringing headaches. I have never forgotten their intensity and have great sympathy for anyone who has a headache. I let this headache go a while thinking it would go away. It didn't seem to be getting worse but slowly I was losing my patience. This lead me to possible causes. When I surveyed the causes I decided it was amazing I was still alive. My feet were very hot in my running shoes and I was experiencing a slight toenail poke into the front of my shoes. Reason 1. I had my bangs clipped up with a clippy. Reason 2. I had run while they were cutting hay. Reason 3. The melted tar on the road stinks. Reason 4. I had left on my very supportive criss cross strap bra for athletics alllll day. Reason 5. I had tuna for lunch. Reason 6. I had only 1 cup of coffee. Reason 7. It was over 100 degrees. Reason 8. Wow. What gives you a headache?

The Idea of Hope

The book I just finished spoke of one's life purpose focusing around hope. So now the questions is, "What is your hope... my hope?" Usually I hope that I can brighten someone's day or give purpose to their day, to make them feel needed, important, appreciated. That seems like such a small hope. Maybe it should be 10 people, 20, 100... What are your ideas about hope?

The Dress

In September 1973 my sister had just started school at TCU. She had gone through rush and pledged a sorority but still Mom worried. One Friday night Mom and I headed to Foley's and shopped for sister. We bought two dresses. I only remember what one looked like. It was a dark green calico print peasant style dress with a white inset in front. I was never a dress person but I liked this dress. We boxed up the dresses and sister called very pleased. I could picture her toodling off to class with her long straight hair and peasant dress. She always loved a dress. I felt good to buy her those dresses. My daughter bought me a dress. I didn't wear it or even keep it but she knew exactly what I liked. She took the things I like in shirts and pants and jewelry and found a dress that matched my style. I love that she thought about me, made the effort and took a chance on me. Perhaps I should have kept that dress. I'm too practical, frugal, and hosestly don't enjoy dresses. In fact when I wear one I just don't feel like me. So I will remember the gesture as one of my life's best gifts. Thanks, Becky.

Kindly Disregard Last Post

After reading the comment posted by my daughter on my last post, I must inform my readers, all 1 of you, that I've decided I'm good enough just the way I am so don't expect any big changes!

What Now?

I have been very positive since my last self pitying post. I have forgotten my wrinkles and crepy skin. I have focused on the good in my life. I have laughed, eaten, and enjoyed the company of others, BUT Isn't there always a but? I was doing fine, much better, when I discovered the Facebook page and blog of my long lost 1st cousin. I'm am just inadequate. She quilts, knits, writes, bakes and decorates cakes, is a missionary, studying spanish, gourmet cooks, supports her community, is in socail organizations and really cares about these things and does them very well. She states that her husband is her motivator. Maybe I can blame James for my short comings. My only motivation this summer has been exercising, tennis, and cleaning. Now that sounds just downright selfish. It is. I'm making a resolution right here, right now to do something to help others, or is productive, or is well done, soon. Maybe tomorrow, right after tennis!

Establishing a New Identity

Only summer would provide me with enough time to have this problem. When I 'm busy and productive I either like myself or just don't notice my short comings so much. What has been the focus of this summer? Wrinkles, sagging skin, horrid age spots. I sound like a beauty cream ad. I remember a few years ago when lined up with my peers that they all had these sagging jaws and chins. I sighed a breath of relief that mine was still in tact. Well as I survey the damage of age, sun, the growing and shrinking of the body and the attached skin..Oh my I shouldn't have even started looking. It is like germs. I can't get to thinking about them for fear that they really could become an all consuming entity. So I've done this survey of myself and just can't get a handle on this new me. Maybe or probably it isn't new, just new to me. All the things I see can't be fixed. These things are now-me. So how does one go about handling these imperfections? The only solution that I've come up so far is a lot more smiles and a little more fabric.

A Gem

Did I mention my daughter, Becky? She's a gem. She is a great listener and thinker. She has a rare combination: good intentions and follow through! She sent me this cartoon this morning and it made me smile. How about you?

Frozen Failures

How could this happen in just 4 days? How could it be that 2 priceless frozen treats could go bad? Saturday morning after tennis I went back to the same 7-11 that had the Crystal Light Slurpee but the warning light was on. I could tell through the glass that it was nearly ready so I helped myself. What a disappointment. It was almost as disappointing as an undercooked egg. I tried to spruce it up with a few ice cubes but the whole time I was drinking it I kept imagining my teeth turning bright orange. Then on a hot lazy Sunday afternoon James and I headed out for our first sugar free snow cone of the season. I had a bad feeling when the menu of sugar free flavors could not be read because the print had gotten wet and run down the page that was still taped in the hut window. I kept the faith but when I asked the girl what the flavors were she was sheepish. Never trust a shy snow cone girl with a bad complexion. After filling our glasses with shaved ice she informed us they had....sugar free watermelon. I found this to be just a dull sweetness with artificial color. James liked his but he likes simple sweet but I need the punch of tart! How could this happen in one week. I guess I should have just trusted my instincts and ordered a water. Water is just so plain.

Not Enough Rigor

Now that I'm home, I find my summer doesn't include quite enough rigor. Our new tennis pro, now a month delayed, has thrown a loop in the Tennis Academy schedule. It is a delicate balance of hours available inside, playable hours outside due to extreme heat, and availability of instructors. I've been having a daily run and Bowflex and or Wii but have come up with a stupid cough that I've diagnosed to be allergic in nature. Does being outside make that worse? Anyway it is 9:58 on a Monday morning, I've eaten, run, worked out, cleaned myself up, read a chapter in my school assigned summer reading, and am ready to do my online tech course. All this sounds like too much sitting. I'm resigned to no painting or interior decorating until I've made a decision, found the funding, and put in new flooring. I've put in my garden but it doesn't really require much time. Oh well, I'll continue to work on developing a satisfying daily schedule. I'll get it down about August 1st.

Techno School

Taking this graduate course has been good for me. I'm using all the techno tools that high schools and universities use. I've used the course website for course information, assignment information, uploading assignments, communication with professors and students, and viewing grades and assessments. I'm just amazed how it all works and it does work! On the flip side there were still glitches with technological presentations. Programs that were unable to open, incompatible software... Our professor was very understanding although I'm sure there are some that are not. Now just to wait for my presentation review. I was shocked by the idea of criticism and resubmission of work. Hmmm. I was pretty sure I was perfect.

Fat Butts or Fat Guts?

I have noticed while finishing my projct for the Environmental Camp/Class that students spend a lot of time sitting. I am surprised that the youth of today have collected rolls of fat around their middle instead of their rear ends. Just an observation.

Coming Along

Well week 3 of summer is here. Week1, I attended the Science Academy that seemed worthwhile because I was paid to attend. I had fun with my friends and eating lunch out each day. Week 2, Environmental Camp, which was fabulous. I was not paid but it cost me nothing and was a priceless experience. It is weird because I can't explain to anyone who wasn't there how great it actually was. During week 1 I got registered and logged on to my online technology course which I look forward to getting back to this week. I also look forward to getting back into my usual tennis routine and exercise routine. Since I finished Sarah's Key last week, I'm anxious to get to the library and start book 2 of the summer. I'm also looking forward to watching some movies. Somehow I think I may make it through the summer without any school withdrawals. Amazingly, I haven't had the urge to pick up a paintbrush or a scrub brush, yet.

Summer With Purpose

A few weeks ago I was confused about the direction of summer but now the summer vision is becoming clearer. My husband keeps asking me what I'm doing today and I say," Anything that I want!" I have started my online Excel 2007 course, attended a 3 day Science Academy, attended the orientation for my week long Coal Camp, and started 2 books. I've run everyday although I've subbed out my tennis for the week. I also intend to do the Library To Play 3. I have the feeling that the summer may just whizzzz by.

Still Just Soaking It In

Week 2 and I am still unable to post a comment on Becky's blog. Is it a problem with my computer or her site? Does it matter? I hate to leave a blog post without commenting but why? Maybe it is important for me to learn to take in information without interjecting. I admit I'm not too good at this. I do want her to know I'm reading, pondering and enjoying her blog.

Making Sense of It

How is it that I can post a blog but not make a comment to another's blog? Perhaps I was headed in the direction of saying the wrong thing. Who knows? Things just have a way of working out, don't they? And how is it that so much time, energy, and thought can be spent on things of such little real importance? Do you ever look around and think that we really have things all wrong, all messed up? I do!

Prayers Without Editorializing

Am I the only one when asked to pray for someone. said yes but interjected my own personal opinion? I guess I wasn't really leaving that in God's hands, was I? I must add that I think God and I would agree on this issue. Ooooops there I go again.

Only a Few

I got this new shirt from Becky. She was inspired after watching Zombieland. She too was made light hearted by the survival list. She hand painted this shirt for me and one for herself. I'm glad she chose Owl Blue so I could wear it on Spirit Friday. Out of all the people I saw on Friday 2 got the shirt. They loved it, understood it...they really got it. I now know that we are part of a small community of unlikely souls who will get this shirt. I will get a comment from a strange man in the market, a kid on the street, a group of awkward girls and I will know that on some level we are kindred spirits(of the Zombie kind).

Nothing to Report

As we enter April, I have nothing new to report. Is it true that no news is good news? If so, we are in luck. Looking forward to the changes of the year end, better known as post TAKS. Looking forward to summer and thinking ahead of how to structure that time. Cakes? Done that. Tennis, of course. Studies? Yes, I think so. Well plenty of time to think, 9 weeks.

A Spring Thing

As James' birthday is near it is a signal of something. No not the West Texas Relays or the first day of spring but instead the time to switch the snowmen in the kitchen back to the usual decor. Pronounced, "Day Cor," with a very hard DAY by the PR Director of Tom Thumb while trying to entice us on the radio to come to the Spring Home and Garden Show this weekend. As I was packing the Frosties back into the box this morning the forecast is a chance of snow! Just a small chance but doesn't it make you happy that you haven't rushed out to get your spring flowers or put your garden in? It does me! I did clean out my garden but didn't even turn over the soil. I'm saving that for the day I harvest the isopods for school. But anyway I found the whole snowman thing ironic just a little too ironic, don't you think? It's like raaaainnnn on your wedding........

Spring Break

A good time to rest up, catch up and think, "What the heck am I going to do alllll summer?"

Zombieland?

Yes. Last night I watched Zombieland. I know Zombieland and Wolfman in the same year? Both of these I saw just because James wanted to see them and it is only fair since he complained through the second movie about Bridget Jones on Friday night. To my shock and unhorror, I liked Zombieland. It started out with 2 things I like: humor and a rules list! I wasn't even sure what a zombie is and am still not sure but didn't keep me from enjoying the show. Woody Harrelson was the typical Woody, goody. The other actors were all young kid-adults that I didn't know but enjoyed. In addition to lists of rules, the main character also talks about his list of irrational fears. I always find that funny and interesting because as a kid, I had my fair share. Did you know I scrunched up my night gown to the width of a rubber band so I could quickly get it over my head without anything attacking me. Zombieland is a fun 2 hour ride and it isn't really a scary movie at all. I recommend it for $1-3 dollar viewing.

Continual Improvement?

I'm tired of getting better when the old me is pretty good already! Is that the voice of a tired person? What does it say when we have to keep improving on good? Better data, better looking, better example, better monitor...Yes, I must just be tired. Perhaps I'll wait until morning to post this. Better yet, I'll email a few folks and tell them that they are fabulous. Everybody likes a good report- even better a great report.

Slyins?

Why isn't it that someone I know has compiled a list of word verifications of words for Blog responses? They remind me of snigglets! For instance, today I had to verify my blog response with Slyins. What does that sound like it would means? A sneaky way of tell a fib, of course. I guess perhaps I must be the founder of the word verification dictionary. Remember though, that my acronym NSCU never really took off, even after a years use. OK first word: Slyins.

Snow Day Reaction/Action

Hmmm! I did enjoy a day off but now the price to pay. A week of wetness(hard on the septic system, pet comins and goins, shoes, cars, and RECESS). A delayed Valentine party at school must be had. One day behind on the new week before it starts. So I started today with an hour of WItennisizing, and some vigorous cleaning including the shower doors! Add to that a healthy lunch, a game of Solitaire, and the 2 o'clock viewing of Wolfman and perhaps the lapse of Snow Day A Mania will resurface. Did I mention I'm an Olympic Hater? Well I'm trying to pour myself into the Winter Olympics so I began last night by watching almost the entire Opening Ceremonies. When they had completed the show and announced that Wayne Gretski would bring in the torch in 12 minutes I fell asleep! I awoke just in time to miss the 4th torch that wouldn't light and Steve Nash my personal favorite! I did see them light the city torches, all 4 of them. I had sufficiently bonded with all the high profile athletes that were bio-ed and am anxious to lose myself in the world of Women's Hockey. Let's see how long this lasts. Perhaps as long as the enthusiasm for the snow!

Looking Forward to the Break?

Looking forward to the break? What break? We haven't had spring break yet? Hey we haven't! Yes, I'm looking forward to spring break but obviously have no plans. Somehow my tired isn't quite as tired. There is hope!

The Cutest Thing I've Seen All Day?

hmmmmmmm! hmmmmmmm? Now this is pitiful. My focus must be totally misplaced if I can't recall a single cute thing. Before school? Nothing. During writing? Nothing. During lunch? Nothing. Recess? Social studies? Dismissal? Man, I'm just a grouch. I have to do better.

Just an Observer!

So much happening that I have nothing to say. I'm just playing the part of an interested bystander. Just watching, waiting, watching, waiting, for so many things. Life is exciting. Does that sound strange coming from the girl who is never surprised?